We now have a term for the parents for whom failure is not an option: helicopter parenting.
I just returned from an education conference in Houston, ASCD 2015. One of our keynote speakers was Dr. Sarah Lewis, author of The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery. She spoke about the importance of letting kids experience failure, particularly in school, in an effort to spur some resiliency and determination—not to mention allowing them to learn from their mistakes.
Although we’re very familiar with the more famous examples of failure, like Thomas Edison’s 10,000 attempts at the light bulb or Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team, many parents still believe that failure is not an acceptable outcome to a pursuit. This is particularly true when it comes to our children.
Helicopter parenting
We now have a term for the parents for whom failure is not an option: helicopter parenting. Columnist Jessica Lahey relayed one of her old teaching stories in the Atlantic a couple of years ago. She once accused a student of plagiarism. When she confronted the parents, the student’s mother confessed that she had actually written the entire paper for her child (generously stolen from the Internet, by the way). It turns out that the concept of her child failing at anything had made the student put too many balls in the air. The mother stepped in to make sure one didn’t drop.
Grit might determine future success
Dr. Lewis referred to the ability to spring back up after a fall as grit and she described some case studies in which exercising grit might be one of our best indicators of the future success of an individual. That’s right. Not Common Core assessment or SAT scores. In fact, it can be extrapolated that it’s OK to not succeed at the things we think will make us successful—as long as we come back and keep trying.
A study from the University of Arizona found that adults who were “overparented” come out with a sense of entitlement and a decreased ability to overcome challenges. In other words, they don’t have as much grit as the adult who was allowed to struggle as a child.
What should you do?
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t offer help when your child needs it, especially if a particular struggle put them at risk of not reaching their potential (such as failing in school; sometimes a struggle is not conquerable without support). But think about just how much you help your child with their school assignments. Are they learning anything other than mom or dad will always bail me out?
If your child is having less of a struggle and more of a failure, steps need to be taken before future prospects are affected. Consider Athena for any support you may need.