How To Have a Conversation With Your Child

“So how was school today?”

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“Not much. The usual.”

“Do you have any homework?”

“Yeah, a little.”

That conversation sounded familiar to every parent reading this post. It’s just part of the territory of raising an adolescent. But how do you crack that exterior and learn some actual information about your child’s life?

How To Have a Conversation With Your Child

Be open-ended

If you ask a question with a probable one-word answer, you’re going to get a one-word response. The first question above is a prime example. Questions like that are giving the kid an out.

Instead, the parent could have asked something like “What was your favorite part of the day?” (followed by the opposite, if you like). Then you might get an entire story from which you can build.

Be specific

Children of any age usually deal in generalities. Take the second question as an example. They think you understand what “the usual” means. Maybe you do. If you let it drop, there’s another out.

Don’t be afraid to ask specifically about a certain aspect of class or school. As long as you don’t go overboard—making it sound as if they are a witness in court—you should be able to build a conversation from the results.

Stay away from feelings

Children, particularly teenagers, would rather not talk about their feelings. This is especially true after a long school day that might have been full of emotions and drama. If you want the conversation to continue, try to stay away from talk of feelings.

It might come up naturally on their part, which is great and a definite bonus to the conversation, but don’t force it. Stay away from questions like “So how did that make you feel?” or “Don’t you think that was mean?” This isn’t therapy.

Be positive

Everyone would rather have a positive conversation than a negative one, and children are no different. Remember middle and high school? For most of us, there was at least a fair share of negative days. No one wants to analyze them with their parents.

You can serve the opposite purpose. By asking specific questions about positive aspects of the day (“What was the best thing that happened today?” “What was the funniest thing you heard?”), you get to accentuate the positive about the day. Every kid needs some positive reinforcement about school occasionally.

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