Praise efforts, not results.
Problem: We’ve entered the slog of the school year. The holidays are too far away, not to mention Spring Break or the end of the year. Right now, to some kids, school is a trudge through a swamp. There are struggles for almost every measure of progress, from waking up to doing their homework.
Solution: These struggles have been happening since the dawn of time. Cavepeople had trouble getting their children out of the cave to hunt buffalo. Solutions might not be quick, but they can be long lasting and set your child up for future success. They include:
- More open communication
- Praise effort, not results
- Realize some tasks are harder than others
- Model effort
More open communication
These days, communication with your child might consist of more yelling and anger than you would like. It’s a stressful time. But make even more of an effort than you normally do to open the lines of communication.
Through good conversation, you may find out that a reason for your child’s malaise might be a specific academic or social issue that is easily solved. “Struggling in math? No problem. We’ll get you some help.” Romantic issues might be more complicated…
Praise effort, not results
We are a results-oriented country. We reward success and ignore effort that comes without victory. That’s unfortunate because everyone fails sometime and it’s important to keep trying.
If your child is struggling at something, make sure you praise the work they put in to make themselves better, even if they aren’t currently experiencing success. Doing so will make them want to work more and harder. Do it enough and their self-talk will be more positive, even in the face of failure.
Realize some tasks are harder than others
Very few students are good at everything they touch. Teachers know this better than anyone does. Particularly, most students fall into being talented at math and the sciences or the humanities—not both. Understanding your child’s shortcomings, and accepting them, will go a long way toward smoothing the road.
Perhaps your child has struggled at writing since first grade. Why call them out for English grades that are worse than their math scores in middle school? Praise their effort, explain that you know English isn’t their strong suit, and offer help in whatever ways are possible.
Model effort
Finally, how do you expect your child to want to work hard when they see you hardly getting up off the couch? Everyone deserves some down time (especially if you can share it with your child), but you are your child’s model. Your effort around the house at night and during the weekend will rub off on them. In fact, enlist their help in tasks and work along with them side by side.