Cultivating a growth mindset.
With so much attention being paid recently to the academic skills that promote college and career readiness, it seems that interpersonal skills are taking a backseat. The truth is that it’s those skills, which we call conative skills, which can have the most effect on whether a person will be successful in life.
Although this isn’t a complete list, here are some of the skills that are considered conative:
- Ability to read situations
- Cultivating a growth mindset
- Resilient
- Staying positive
- The ability to take various perspectives on an issue
- Interacting with other responsibly
- Conflict resolution
Here are some things to keep in mind when trying to develop these skills at home.
Model them yourself
As always, parents are the best example. That’s particularly true in the conative skills. Although it might not be possible to change some of your behaviors, ask yourself some tough questions. Just how negative are you in front of the kids? Do you respect others’ point of view? How do you handle conflict, not only with them but also with other people? Perhaps there are better ways to set an example for your child.
Reward effort, not success
We are a culture rooted in success. We celebrate those who succeed. But most successful people fail a lot before you see that success. It’s the effort that should be recognized. So instead of only praising your child when they do something well, praise them for the effort itself.
Take grades for example. Obviously good grades are the goal, but falling below your expectations isn’t the end of the world as long as you know they tried hard. If they’re willing to put in the effort, performance can always be improved.
Controversy and conflict
Some people think controversy and conflict are the same thing. That’s incorrect. Controversy means people have different opinions but are willing to see the other side. Conflict, on the other hand, is when someone is actively keeping someone else from accomplishing a goal. Both happen on a daily basis and should be viewed as teachable moments rather than something to be avoided.
As you are well aware, your family will not get along all the time. It’s how those controversies and conflicts are handled that will shape your child’s interpersonal skills when they enter the outside world.
Stay away from narrow thinking (and speaking)
On a related note, your child needs to understand that their way of thinking isn’t the only way, and that other peoples’ opinions are valid and sometimes valuable. No matter your own views, try not to be dogmatic in front of your student. Model the fact that everyone is entitled to their opinion and those opinions should be respected—obviously, within reason.