Problem: Your child’s school experience is being negatively affected by another student. This could be something as serious as bullying or a new “friend” becoming a disruptive influence. What can you really do about someone else’s kid?
Solution: The stories that come home from school will sometimes frustrate or even scare you. Socially, school hasn’t changed much from when you were a student. There are still class clowns, cliques, and unfortunately bullies.
You might not think there is much you can do about what happens at school, but you can still have a positive impact for your child on these negative events. In particular:
- Always listen
- Always take their side
- Know when to bring the teacher in
- Remember what it was like, but don’t think your experience was the same
- Don’t be afraid to use the word “bullying”
Always listen
Good parents know that most of the challenges that come with raising a child can be solved, or at least diminished, through communication. These situations are no different. Never minimize or ignore anything your child reports about school. If they don’t think you’re listening, eventually they will stop talking. That’s when the real trouble can start.
Always take their side
This one comes with an obvious caveat: if they themselves are disruptive or hostile, you understandably don’t want to support that behavior. But if they aren’t in the wrong, make it a point for them to know that you support them. Listen to their ideas. Agree with them as much as possible. Don’t be quick to try and solve the problem. Remember: when you’re a child, everything is a big deal.
Know when to bring the teacher in
Teachers are aware of much more than you might give them credit for. They know all about the social structure of the school, which kids are bad influences, and which are being negatively affected. That being said, they also know what they can do to affect the climate in the classroom and punitive steps that can be taken. It doesn’t hurt to drop them an email. But if they say they’re working on it, they probably are. The only exception is if you think your child is in danger; then talk to anyone who will listen—particularly with bullying.
Remember what it was like, but don’t think your experience was the same
Bullying, social pressures, and attention-seeking behavior have existed since the caveman days. You saw some when you were in school (and you probably still see some at work). But you should treat your child’s experience independently. What you or your parents did back in the day probably isn’t valid now. Help children make their own decisions and make your own.
Don’t be afraid to use the word “bullying”
Bullying is no longer looked at as a rite of passage. It is a serious situation and, in most states, a crime. Because of all of that attention, kids being bullied tend to minimize the situation and try not to refer to it as bullying. Perhaps they don’t want the attention that would come with the investigation process. Maybe they don’t want a friend to get in serious trouble. If you think it’s bullying, say so and coach your child to do the same. Then take the appropriate next steps together.